I'd better laugh, or I may strangle you through the phone

Here's a quick recap on the insanity that is job hunting in Southern CA. I'm an RN- check. I'm specialized in Pediatrics- check. (that makes me pretty much inelligble to work ANYTHING but Pediatrics without going back full time to train.) I'm looking for a REALLY part time job that's called Per Diem- you can work as much or as little as you want, you just only work if they need you. (Bonus, I don't have to work a set number of days a week, and that they pay more since you're schedule is pretty... well.. squampous. Minus- they aren't really hiring people on this flexible schedule for the bonus reasonss.. ie.. they have to pay you more.) The options being working part time (2 days a week) or full time (3 days a week) and finding Child Care for Charlotte. The Child Care places want her a minimum 2-3 days a week for bonding/ separation issues. So I'd have to send her to daycare even if I'm not working the week, and I have a weekend shift.

SO.. here's the main story. I found what is an AWESOME job. It's about 20 minutes away, it's one night shift a week- if that, since it's self scheduling. The pay is Awesome ( a nice bonus.. but not why I'm going back to work AT ALL). And it's in Peds. The drawbacks you ask... oh about everything else.

So I interviewed Oct 4th. (Yes of this year) and they loved me. It was just a matter of where do they put me, the ICU, or the regular peds unit. So the manager says she'll get back to me that week. She liked me SO much she didn't ask me ANY QUESTIONS about me, aside from if I worked at the Children's Hospital in Orange previously. I think she was only asking it to ask A question, as it was printed on the application right in front of her. (Maybe she's asking for glasses for Christmas? )

So they get back with me that they want to hire me, and HR will call me within a few days, and that I should call the manager back if I don't hear back from them in that time. 5 days later, I call back. No answer. So begins the saga. I leave a message. I call back at the end of the week. No Answer. I'm going to start Italicizing the No Answer part, to illustrate a point. So I send an email. No Answer. I call again the next week. SHE ANSWERS! But with an.. oh crap- I got caught, kinda voice. She hurries me off the phone and says that her boss's been out with a sick child, and everything is just slow. I understand that. She'll get back to me. Never does.

The next week the Groundhog Day saga continues. I call no answer. I call again... no answer. I'm leaving messages every 3 days. Then- 3 weeks from the interview... SHE ANSWERS But hurries me off the phone with an.. "I'll check in with HR and call you back." No Call back. I call next week. No Answer. It's been about a month since my interview.

So I call HR. They've never heard of me. They say they'll look into it and get back with me. No Reply. I call HR. No Answer. THIS IS INSANE! So I email the manager, and SHE EMAILS BACK. She says her boss is waiting until the Entire Hospital has submitted staffing to approve any new hires. It shouldn't be long. Don't give up and switch jobs. So I start applying everywhere else. But everywhere else is only hiring Full time, and I don't want that. So.. I wait.

A week before Thanksgiving I call and send an email about upcoming holiday schedules, and I've already bought a plane ticket to Utah, and could she call me back, etc. No Answer. I call HR to see if they have any news since my manager to be has NEVER once returned a phone call. It's only been when I've gotten lucky and she's picked up. So- They CALL BACK! It's 9 pm in FLORDIA, while we're on vacation and Charlotte is screaming at my grandparents apartment. Please see previous post for more Drama. I call back the next day to accept the offer. No Answer. So I call Thanksgiving week when I return home.

Everything is set. They're going to send me out a background check via email, then I take a physical, and I start December 8th- the elation is fantastic. They'll tell my manager that I've accepted and she'll call to set up a schedule. When she doesn't call that week, I call my manager the next week- elated. No Answer. I call HR since I haven't gotten the paperwork, and they email it to me with an apology. In the meantime I make plans, set up a babysitter for Charlotte, and set aside the time to start working.

The Friday before I start I still haven't heard anything from HR or my manager. Every time I called HR I get the secretary, who when I give my name always sighs... and puts me on hold. It's hillarious. Then the HR lady always ends the conversation with "We'll keep in contact" (aka- stop calling me you crazy red head). So I call my manager and leave a message about start dates again. No Answer.

Finally.. we're up to speed. Here it is. The day before I'm supposed to start, and I have nothing. No address, no set time, nothing about what to bring, I haven't signed any papers, and I haven't had my physical. But I've kept my babysitter, and canceled tons of holiday activities, because "I'm starting work." So I call HR first thing this morning.

The lovely secretary picks up.. sighs when I give my name, and says the HR lady is in a meeting. Can I leave a message. Well.. I've about had it up to HERE with a message. But why take it out on the poor secretary.. so I say "Look, I really just need to know if I start tomorrow." She looks me up in the computer only to tell me that I haven't submitted my background check. I say I have and she says she'll call me back.

She calls me back an hour later to say that there's NO WAY I could start tomorrow since I haven't had my physical and signed the paperwork. However, she did find my background check completed, and they just hadn't gotten around to following up with me to schedule the other items. The final question was the kicker. "If you knew that you needed this before tomorrow, then why didn't you call and follow up?"

It's a good thing she's like 10 miles away, because I was this (imagine two tiny fingers) close to strangling her through the phone. The real reason I'm writing this out is so that A. I don't kill someone, and B. If this goes south one more time. I'm just quiting and I need to keep my details straight for one Nasty letter to the Director of Nursing.

Jan. 4th is my new start date. Any takers on a bet if that happens??